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20 tips for buying a used car

Banger or bargain?

Not everyone has the budget to go out and buy a new car straight from a dealer. Thankfully though, the transient nature of the Oman  means that the used-car market is never lacking.

Buying a used car in any country always carries with it a certain element of risk, and generally the level of risk is relative to your budget.
The trick is to look for the right things to determine whether it’s a banger or a bargain…
Read our list of 20 things to look for when viewing a used car.

1. Does it start? Duh!

It may sound painstakingly obvious, but the first thing you should do when viewing a used car is to make sure it starts.
It should start effortlessly, if it struggles to turn over then there is likely an issue with the battery or starter motor. If it coughs and splutters you have seen all you need to and this car is clearly no good; move on!

2. Is the bodywork damaged?

An occupational hazard with owning a car in the Oman is that after time, thanks to the hot sun, its paintwork will start to fade, particularly those in darker colours.
To check that the paintwork is authentic you should open the bonnet. Underneath, and around the engine bay, you will be able to tell what colour the car originally was.
Also check for scratches and dents. You’re going to be paying a large sum of money for this, and you want to make sure that the car is free of damage. Any small scratches which can be easily touched up could prove useful in bartering the price.
Just because it doesn’t rain much in the Oman doesn’t mean that rust isn’t a problem. Check around the wheel arches and the sills around the windows. Any sign of rust and you should look elsewhere.

3. What are the tyres like?

Tyres tell you more than you think. Obviously you need to ensure that they are legal, in that the depth of the tread is at least 5mm (the legal minimum is 2mm). Any less than this and you will be replacing them before too long. Tyres which are worn too low are dangerous and you risk a blowout if you don’t keep on top of them.
Look for uneven wear on the tread. If the tyres aren’t wearing evenly then that suggests that the wheel alignment is out, or the suspension needs servicing. The latter can be expensive to fix.
As a top tip, make sure that the tyres actually match, as you can tell a lot about a car by the brand of tyres which are on it. If the front two tyres are made by Michelin or Bridgestone for example, then that’s good, but if the rear two tyres are made by some company that you have never heard of, then they are likely cheap and this suggests that the car has been run on a tight budget… So what else has been done on a tiny budget?
It goes without saying that you should check the spare tyre for presence and condition.
Read more about tyers here.

4. Can you see any leaks?

Ask the seller to open the bonnet so that you can check for any signs of leaking oil or fluid. If the engine bay is spotlessly clean then you should be suspicious, as the seller will likely have had it steam cleaned to erase any trace of leaks. A thin micro-film of sand over the engine is what you're looking for; it means that the engine bay hasn't been dressed up to fool.
Start the car and leave it for 10 minutes, any fluid leak will then become obvious.
If you are viewing the car at the seller’s house, scan the driveway or parking space for oil stains on the ground. If not, leave the engine running for 10 minutes and ask the seller to move the car slightly. If it has been dripping oil then you don’t want to buy this car. (Note that it is perfectly normal for puddles of water to form under a running car, this is simply overspill from the air-conditioning).

5. What are the brakes like?

Unless the car you are looking at has big, thin-spoke alloy wheels, there is no way you will be able to check the condition of the brakes. For this you will have to drive the car, with the seller joining you.
If, when braking, the car pulls either left or right, then the brake pads are likely worn more-so on one particular side. Replacing brake pads and brake discs is not an expensive repair, but any pulling in one direction should give you another bargaining tool to get the price down.
If the travel of the pedal is too long then that suggests that there is air in the brake line. While brake bleeding is easy and inexpensive, you would be advised not to take a chance with a car like this as you can never tell just how serious it could be. Ask yourself: how did the air get into the brake line in the first place?

6. Does it have a servicing history?

Sadly there are not many used cars in the Oman that come with a full service history. If possible you should ask to see all receipts from the last year. Any car which doesn’t come with any service history should be avoided at all costs.
If the car has been regularly serviced by its manufacturer then that is a very good sign.
It’s a good idea to subtly ask why the seller is selling the car in the first place.

7. Check the air-conditioning

You won’t last very long without air-conditioning in the Oman, so start the car and let it run for five minutes. With the doors closed you should judge the AC’s cooling power. If it is not cooling to your liking, or indeed if it smells stale or “gassy”, then the compressor is in need of refilling or replacing. Whereas refilling is easy and inexpensive, a replacement compressor can be an expensive repair and is best avoided.

8. How many kilometers has it done?

Cars are far more reliable than they were 20 years ago, and as such cars that have reached 160,000km (about 100,000 miles) still have plenty of life left in them. Be that as it may, you should ideally look to buy a car that has not yet reached 120,000km. The lower the better.
Cars that have completed over 200,000kms are best avoided, as the chances are the engine is wearing out, among other things like bearings, joints, and gearboxes.

9. What's the exhaust like?

When you are looking at a used car it is a smart move to check the exhaust pipe. While you won’t be able to tell what condition the entire system is in, the tailpipe will give you a good idea as to the state of the engine.
If there is a moist black residue around the end of the tailpipe, go no further; this means that the engine is burning oil and is on its way out. Any repairs will be costly and, frankly, uneconomical.
Ask for the engine to be started. Beyond the initial turnover no smoke should be visible. If you spot black smoke then this means that the engine is running “rich” (taking on too much fuel). If you see blue smoke then this means the engine is burning oil. If you spot either of these, walk away!
Note: If you're viewing a diesel-powered car then black smoke is normal.

10. Check the water and oil

Open the bonnet and open both the oil filler cap and water bottle (radiator) cap. The water should be relatively clear or blue (allowing for traces of light dirt), and the oil cap should have plenty of dark brown oil residue on its underside.
If, in either the oil filler hole or water bottle/radiator, you notice a light brown, almost creamy substance, or the water in the radiator is black, then this means that oil and water have mixed together. This tells you that the head gasket has gone, and the engine’s days are numbered. To replace a cylinder head gasket is a Herculean task and will be phenomenally expensive!
Note: Do not remove the radiator cap if the engine is hot.

11. Are there any squeaks or rattles?

Before buying any used car, ask the seller to take you for a short drive around the block. Try to pick a short route where you can legally get up to 120kp/h, as well as one that has tight corners and a set of traffic lights. Listen out for any squeaks and rattles, if you can’t identify what they are then ask the seller. Listen to what they say and that should give you an idea…
Anything that doesn’t sound “normal” is best avoided. And the last thind you need is let an irriating squeak ruin your drive!
Note: Every car has a warning "beep" which sounds when it reaches 120kp/h. Some cars simply beep once or twice once you cross the threshold, others beep continually. There is little more annoying than that! But don't despair, any main dealer will be able to disconnect the "beep".

12. What is the gearbox and clutch like?

The vast majority of cars in the Oman have automatic transmission. Most modern day gearboxes are quite resilient, and so too are their accompanying clutches.
On a short drive with the seller, listen out for any high-revving. Put simply, the sound of the engine should be relative to the speed you are travelling. If the engine is revving too high and you’re only moving at 50kp/h, then the clutch is not long for this world and will prove a costly repair.
Gear changes should be smooth. If there is a notable "clunk" or you feel a violent shudder then the gearbox is not in a good way.

13. Has the cam-belt been changed?

There is one major part of a car that you cannot check when viewing it, and not even a qualified mechanic can tell without taking the side-case off the engine: the cam-belt (also called the timing-belt).
The cam-belt is crucial to the running of the engine, and if it goes – looses a tooth or is frayed and snaps – then the engine will literally blow itself to bits. It is the one component that controls the overall movement of the engine.
It is different for all cars (check the manual), but a general rule of thumb is to have the cam-belt changed at around 130,000kms. Ask the seller if they have had the cam-belt changed; if they haven’t, and the car has done more than 130,000kms, then consider your options. You can have it done yourself soon after. It is not a cheap job, however.

14. Are all the lights working?

It may sound obvious, but when buying a used car it is important to ensure that all the lights are working. Turn the headlights on, and the side lights, and make sure that the high-beams work as well.
Ask the seller to sit in the driver seat and press the brake pedal so that you can check the brake lights. Check the indicators – don’t forget the side indicators on the wing mirrors or front wings.

15. Check all the switches

It is often forgotten to check all the switches when viewing a used car. Pay particular attention to the electric mirror and electric window switches, if fitted. Make sure that the sunroof opens and that the windscreen wipers work.

16. Are the windscreen wipers in good condition?

The fact that the Oman doesn’t get much rain, coupled with the intense heat, means that windscreen wipers are prone to perishing quite quickly. This is not the end of the world.
Always check the condition of the rubber wipers, they should be soft and free of cracks. If they are hard, brittle, or visibly damaged then not to worry, you will have to change them regularly anyway, and they don’t cost very much.
It is also a good idea to test the windscreen washers. Although there may be water in the washer bottle, it is common for the jets on the bonnet to get blocked. If no water is ejected, that could get you a few hundred dirhams off of the price as they are easily unblocked.

17. Check the interior for wear and damage

If you’re buying a used car then you want to get the best you can for your money. The condition of a car’s interior is a good indicator as to how the car has been treated in the past.
If there are stains or cigarette burns on the seats then it is clear that one of the previous owners has not taken much care of it. The same goes for damage to the interior plastics and other materials.
Ensure that the seats adjust correctly and, most importantly, that they lock in place. The same goes for seatbelts, too.

18. Does the radio and CD player work?

There is nothing worse than getting into your new (used) car and discovering that the radio or CD player is broken. How will you cope without being able to listen to Kenny and Daisy? Or how will you listen to Meatloaf's "Bat out of Hell"?!
Always check the audio system and speakers.

19. Avoid modified cars

The Oman  is full of cars that have been modified with lots of after-market parts. You should generally avoid these cars where you can.
Cars that have had their suspension lowered or do not have the original wheels are best avoided. If you read or hear the words “upgraded”, “modified”, or “tuned” then you would be well advised to look elsewhere.
This will cause you problems when it comes to maintenance later on. There is no substitute for a well-maintained, standard car. Besides, do you want to be seen driving a six-wheeled Chevrolet Silverado with spiked Boadacia wheels, a flaming twin upright exhaust, and a skull painted on the bonnet? Probably not...

20. What does the advert say?

We all know never to judge a book by its cover, but more often than not this doesn’t apply to car-buying. A classified advert can tell you a lot about a car.
Classified ads that offer lots of information are worth looking at, and honesty is another good sign. It is not uncommon to read something along the lines of “history of minor mechanical fault, all fixed”, this indicates that you might be dealing with an honest seller and is probably worth a look. The more information, the better.

Adverts that normally say “Expat Owned” or “Leaving Oman ” are generally good leads to follow. And pay attention to the picture as well. If the car appears dusty then clearly the seller hasn’t taken the exercise seriously. You can’t beat a nicely polished set of wheels.
The alternative to buying from a private seller is, of course, buying an approved used-car from a certified dealer. You may pay a little bit more but you will have the added bonus of peace of mind.
Enjoy your car-buying!


Source:GulfNews

10 Life Lessons to Excel in Your 30s - By Mark

 10 Life Lessons to Excel in Your 30s 

1. Start Saving for Retirement Now, Not Later

“I spent my 20s recklessly, but your 30s should be when you make a big financial push. Retirement planning is not something to put off. Understanding boring things like insurance, 401ks & mortgages is important since its all on your shoulders now. Educate yourself.” (Kash, 41)

The most common piece of advice — so common that almost every single email said at least something about it — was to start getting your financial house in order and to start saving for retirement… today.

There were a few categories this advice fell into:

• Make it your top priority to pay down all of your debt as soon as possible.
• Keep an “emergency fund” — there were tons of horror stories about people getting financially ruined by health issues, lawsuits, divorces, bad business deals, etc.
• Stash away a portion of every paycheck, preferably into a 401k, an IRA or at the least, a savings account.
• Don’t spend frivolously. Don’t buy a home unless you can afford to get a good mortgage with good rates.
• Don’t invest in anything you don’t understand. Don’t trust stockbrokers.

One reader said, “If you are in debt more than 10% of your gross annual salary this is a huge red flag. Quit spending, pay off your debt and start saving.” Another wrote, “I would have saved more money in an emergency fund because unexpected expenses really killed my budget. I would have been more diligent about a retirement fund, because now mine looks pretty small.”

Gee whiz! Saving is so easy and so fun!

And then there were the readers who were just completely screwed by their inability to save in their 30s. One reader named Jodi wishes she had started saving 10% of every paycheck when she was 30. Her career took a turn for the worst and now she’s stuck at 57, still living paycheck to paycheck. Another woman, age 62, didn’t save because her husband out-earned her. They later got divorced and she soon ran into health problems, draining all of the money she received in the divorce settlement. She, too, now lives paycheck to paycheck, slowly waiting for the day social security kicks in. Another man related a story of having to be supported by his son because he didn’t save and unexpectedly lost his job in the 2008 crash.

The point was clear: save early and save as much as possible. One woman emailed me saying that she had worked low-wage jobs with two kids in her 30s and still managed to sock away some money in a retirement fund each year. Because she started early and invested wisely, she is now in her 50s and financially stable for the first time in her life. Her point: it’s always possible. You just have to do it.

2. Start Taking Care of Your Health Now, Not Later

“Your mind’s acceptance of age is 10 to 15 years behind your body’s aging. Your health will go faster than you think but it will be very hard to notice, not the least because you don’t want it to happen.” (Tom, 55)

We all know to take care of our health. We all know to eat better and sleep better and exercise more and blah, blah, blah. But just as with the retirement savings, the response from the older readers was loud and unanimous: get healthy and stay healthy now.

So many people said it that I’m not even going to bother quoting anybody else. Their points were pretty much all the same: the way you treat your body has a cumulative effect; it’s not that your body suddenly breaks down one year, it’s been breaking down all along without you noticing. This is the decade to slow down that breakage.

The key to salad is to laugh while eating it.

And this wasn’t just your typical motherly advice to eat your veggies. These were emails from cancer survivors, heart attack survivors, stroke survivors, people with diabetes and blood pressure problems, joint issues and chronic pain. They all said the same thing: “If I could go back, I would start eating better and exercising and I would not stop. I made excuses then. But I had no idea.” 

3. Don’t Spend Time with People Who Don’t Treat You Well

“Learn how to say “no” to people, activities and obligations that don’t bring value to your life.” (Hayley, 37)

Gently let go of those who are not making your life better.

After calls to take care of your health and your finances, the most common piece of advice from people looking back at their 30-year-old selves was an interesting one: they would go back and enforce stronger boundaries in their lives and dedicate their time to better people. “Setting healthy boundaries is one of the most loving things you can do for yourself or another person.” (Kristen, 43)

What does that mean specifically?

“Don’t tolerate people who don’t treat you well. Period. Don’t tolerate them for financial reasons. Don’t tolerate them for emotional reasons. Don’t tolerate them for the children’s sake or for convenience sake.” (Jane, 52)

“Don’t settle for mediocre friends, jobs, love, relationships and life.” (Sean, 43)

“Stay away from miserable people… they will consume you, drain you.” (Gabriella, 43)

“Surround yourself and only date people that make you a better version of yourself, that bring out your best parts, love and accept you.” (Xochie)

People typically struggle with boundaries because they find it difficult to hurt someone else’s feelings, or they get caught up in the desire to change the other person or make them treat them the way they want to be treated. This never works. And in fact, it often makes it worse. As one reader wisely said, “Selfishness and self-interest are two different things. Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind.”

When we’re in our 20s, the world is so open to opportunity and we’re so short on experience that we cling to the people we meet, even if they’ve done nothing to earn our clingage. But by our 30s we’ve learned that good relationships are hard to come by, that there’s no shortage of people to meet and friends to be made, and that there’s no reason to waste our time with people who don’t help us on our life’s path.

4. Be Good to the People You Care About

“Show up with and for your friends. You matter, and your presence matters.” (Jessica, 40) 

Conversely, while enforcing stricter boundaries on who we let into our lives, many readers advised to make the time for those friends and family that we do decide to keep close.

“I think sometimes I may have taken some relationships for granted, and when that person is gone, they’re gone. Unfortunately, the older you get, well, things start to happen, and it will affect those closest to you.” (Ed, 45)

“Appreciate those close to you. You can get money back and jobs back, but you can never get time back.” (Anne, 41)

“Tragedy happens in everyone’s life, everyone’s circle of family and friends. Be the person that others can count on when it does. I think that between 30 and 40 is the decade when a lot of shit finally starts to happen that you might have thought never would happen to you or those you love. Parents die, spouses die, babies are still-born, friends get divorced, spouses cheat… the list goes on and on. Helping someone through these times by simply being there, listening and not judging is an honor and will deepen your relationships in ways you probably can’t yet imagine.” (Rebecca, 40) 

5. You can’t have everything; Focus On Doing a Few Things Really Well

“Everything in life is a trade-off. You give up one thing to get another and you can’t have it all. Accept that.” (Eldri, 60)

In our 20s we have a lot of dreams. We believe that we have all of the time in the world. I myself remember having illusions that my website would be my first career of many. Little did I know that it took the better part of a decade to even get competent at this. And now that I’m competent and have a major advantage and love what I do, why would I ever trade that in for another career?

“In a word: focus. You can simply get more done in life if you focus on one thing and do it really well. Focus more.” (Ericson, 49)

Another reader: “I would tell myself to focus on one or two goals/aspirations/dreams and really work towards them. Don’t get distracted.” And another: “You have to accept that you cannot do everything. It takes a lot of sacrifice to achieve anything special in life.”

A few readers noted that most people arbitrarily choose their careers in their late teens or early 20s, and as with many of our choices at those ages, they are often wrong choices. It takes years to figure out what we’re good at and what we enjoy doing. But it’s better to focus on our primary strengths and maximize them over the course of lifetime than to half-ass something else.

“I’d tell my 30 year old self to set aside what other people think and identify my natural strengths and what I’m passionate about, and then build a life around those.” (Sara, 58)

For some people, this will mean taking big risks, even in their 30s and beyond. It may mean ditching a career they spent a decade building and giving up money they worked hard for and became accustomed to. Which brings us to…

6. Don’t Be Afraid of Taking Risks, You Can Still Change

“While by age 30 most feel they should have their career dialed in, it is never too late to reset. The individuals that I have seen with the biggest regrets during this decade are those that stay in something that they know is not right. It is such an easy decade to have the days turn to weeks to years, only to wake up at 40 with a mid-life crisis for not taking action on a problem they were aware of 10 years prior but failed to act.” (Richard, 41)

“Biggest regrets I have are almost exclusively things I did *not* do.” (Sam, 47)

Many readers commented on how society tells us that by 30 we should have things “figured out” — our career situation, our dating/marriage situation, our financial situation and so on. But this isn’t true. And, in fact, dozens and dozens of readers implored to not let these social expectations of “being an adult” deter you from taking some major risks and starting over. As someone on my Facebook page responded: “All adults are winging it.”

“I am about to turn 41 and would tell my 30 year old self that you do not have conform you life to an ideal that you do not believe in. Live your life, don’t let it live you. Don’t be afraid of tearing it all down if you have to, you have the power to build it all back up again.” (Lisa, 41)

Multiple readers related making major career changes in their 30s and being better off for doing so. One left a lucrative job as a military engineer to become a teacher. Twenty years later, he called it one of the best decisions of his life. When I asked my mom this question, her answer was, “I wish I had been willing to think outside the box a bit more. Your dad and I kind of figured we had to do thing A, thing B, thing C, but looking back I realize we didn’t have to at all; we were very narrow in our thinking and our lifestyles and I kind of regret that.”

“Less fear. Less fear. Less fear. I am about to turn 50 next year, and I am just getting that lesson. Fear was such a detrimental driving force in my life at 30. It impacted my marriage, my career, my self-image in a fiercely negative manner. I was guilty of: Assuming conversations that others might be having about me. Thinking that I might fail. Wondering what the outcome might be. If I could do it again, I would have risked more.” (Aida, 49) 

7. You Must Continue to Grow and Develop Yourself

“You have two assets that you can never get back once you’ve lost them: your body and your mind. Most people stop growing and working on themselves in their 20s. Most people in their 30s are too busy to worry about self-improvement. But if you’re one of the few who continues to educate themselves, evolve their thinking and take care of their mental and physical health, you will be light-years ahead of the pack by 40.” (Stan, 48)

It follows that if one can still change in their 30s — and should continue to change in their 30s — then one must continue to work to improve and grow. Many readers related the choice of going back to school and getting their degrees in their 30s as one of the most useful things they had ever done. Others talked of taking extra seminars and courses to get a leg up. Others started their first businesses or moved to new countries. Others checked themselves into therapy or began a meditation practice.

A friend of mine stated that at 29, he decided that his mind was his most valuable asset, and he decided to invest in it. He spent thousands of his own education, on seminars, on various therapies. And at 54, he insists that it was one of the best decisions he ever made.

“The number one goal should be to try to become a better person, partner, parent, friend, colleague etc. — in other words to grow as an individual.” (Aimilia, 39) 

8. Nobody (Still) Knows What They’re Doing, Get Used to It

“Unless you are already dead — mentally, emotionally, and socially — you cannot anticipate your life 5 years into the future. It will not develop as you expect. So just stop it. Stop assuming you can plan far ahead, stop obsessing about what is happening right now because it will change anyway, and get over the control issue about your life’s direction. Fortunately, because this is true, you can take even more chances and not lose anything; you cannot lose what you never had. Besides, most feelings of loss are in your mind anyway – few matter in the long term.” (Thomas, 56)

In my article about what I learned in my 20s, one of my lessons was “Nobody Knows What They’re Doing,” and that this was good news. Well, according to the 40+ crowd, this continues to be true in one’s 30s and, well, forever it seems; and it continues to be good news forever as well.

“Most of what you think is important now will seem unimportant in 10 or 20 years and that’s OK. That’s called growth. Just try to remember to not take yourself so seriously all the time and be open to it.” (Simon, 57)

“Despite feeling somewhat invincible for the last decade, you really don’t know what’s going to happen and neither does anyone else, no matter how confidently they talk. While this is disturbing to those who cling to permanence or security, it’s truly liberating once you grasp the truth that things are always changing. To finish, there might be times that are really sad. Don’t dull the pain or avoid it. Sorrow is part of everyone’s lifetime and the consequence of an open and passionate heart. Honor that. Above all, be kind to yourself and others, it’s such a brilliant and beautiful ride and keeps on getting better.” (Prue, 38)

“I’m 44. I would remind my 30 year old self that at 40, my 30s would be equally filled with dumb stuff, different stuff, but still dumb stuff… So, 30 year old self, don’t go getting on your high horse. You STILL don’t know it all. And that’s a good thing.” (Shirley, 44) 

9. Invest in Your Family; It’s Worth It

“Spend more time with your folks. It’s a different relationship when you’re an adult and it’s up to you how you redefine your interactions. They are always going to see you as their kid until the moment you can make them see you as your own man. Everyone gets old. Everyone dies. Take advantage of the time you have left to set things right and enjoy your family.” (Kash, 41)

I was overwhelmed with amount of responses about family and the power of those responses. Family is the big new relevant topic for this decade for me, because you get it on both ends. Your parents are old and you need to start considering how your relationship with them is going to function as a self-sufficient adult. And then you also need to contemplate creating a family of your own.

Pretty much everybody agreed to get over whatever problems you have with your parents and find a way to make it work with them. One reader wrote, “You’re too old to blame your parents for any of your own short-comings now. At 20 you could get away with it, you’d just left the house. At 30, you’re a grown-up. Seriously. Move on.”

But then there’s the question that plagues every single 30-year-old: to baby or not to baby?

“You don’t have the time. You don’t have the money. You need to perfect your career first. They’ll end your life as you know it. Oh shut up…
Kids are great. They make you better in every way. They push you to your limits. They make you happy. You should not defer having kids. If you are 30, now is the time to get real about this. You will never regret it.” (Kevin, 38)

“It’s never the ‘right time’ for children because you have no idea what you’re getting into until you have one. If you have a good marriage and environment to raise them, err on having them earlier rather than later, you’ll get to enjoy more of them.” (Cindy, 45)

“All my preconceived notions about what a married life is like were wrong. Unless you’ve already been married, everyone’s are. Especially once you have kids. Try to stay open to the experience and fluid as a person; your marriage is worth it, and your happiness seems as much tied to your ability to change and adapt as anything else. I wasn’t planning on having kids. From a purely selfish perspective, this was the dumbest thing of all. Children are the most fulfilling, challenging, and exhausting endeavor anyone can ever undertake. Ever.” (Rich, 44)

What do you want kid?

The consensus about marriage seemed to be that it was worth it, assuming you had a healthy relationship with the right person. If not, you should run the other way (See #3).

But interestingly, I got a number of emails like the following:

“What I know now vs 10-13 years ago is simply this… bars, woman, beaches, drink after drink, clubs, bottle service, trips to different cities because I had no responsibility other than work, etc… I would trade every memory of that life for a good woman that was actually in love with me… and maybe a family. I would add, don’t forgot to actually grow up and start a family and take on responsibilities other than success at work. I am still having a little bit of fun… but sometimes when I go out, I feel like the guy that kept coming back to high school after he graduated (think Matthew McConaughey’s character in Dazed and Confused). I see people in love and on dates everywhere. “Everyone” my age is in their first or second marriage by now! Being perpetually single sounds amazing to all of my married friends but it is not the way one should choose to live their life.” (Anonymous, 43)

“I would have told myself to stop constantly searching for the next best thing and I would have appreciated the relationships that I had with some of the good, genuine guys that truly cared for me. Now I’m always alone and it feels too late.” (Fara, 38)

On the flip side, there were a small handful of emails that took the other side of the coin:

“Don’t feel pressured to get married or have kids if you don’t want to. What makes one person happy doesn’t make everyone happy. I’ve chosen to stay single and childless and I still live a happy and fulfilled life. Do what feels right for you.” (Anonymous, 40)

Conclusion: It seems that while family is not absolutely necessary to have a happy and fulfilling life, the majority of people have found that family is always worth the investment, assuming the relationships are healthy and not toxic and/or abusive. 

10. Be kind to yourself, respect yourself

“Be a little selfish and do something for yourself every day, something different once a month and something spectacular every year.” (Nancy, 60)

This one was rarely the central focus of any email, but it was present in some capacity in almost all of them: treat yourself better. Almost everybody said this in one form or another. “There is no one who cares about or thinks about your life a fraction of what you do,” one reader began, and, “life is hard, so learn to love yourself now, it’s harder to learn later,” another reader finished.

Or as Renee, 40, succinctly put it: “Be kind to yourself.”

Many readers included the old cliche: “Don’t sweat the small stuff; and it’s almost all small stuff.” Eldri, 60, wisely said, “When confronted with a perceived problem, ask yourself, ‘Is this going to matter in five years, ten years?’ If not, dwell on it for a few minutes, then let it go.” It seems many readers have focused on the subtle life lesson of simply accepting life as is, warts and all.

Which brings me to the last quote from Martin, age 58:

“When I turned forty my father told me that I’d enjoy my forties because in your twenties you think you know what’s going on, in your thirties you realize you probably don’t, and in your forties you can relax and just accept things. I’m 58 and he was right.”

Source:  http://markmanson.net/10-life-lessons-excel-30s